I've been working on losing weight my entire life. For as long as I can remember, I've always been the "chubby" girl. I've tried lots of extreme diets from eating only shakes and vegetables to eating only carbs. The only thing that seems to work and make sense is portion control. The only point in my life where I was remotely skinny was during my junior and senior year of high school. I was only skinny because everyday I ate only an orange for lunch... nothing else and I worked out like a mad women.
Towards the end of my senior year, my great grandmother passed away and I felt like my entire world collapsed. I did not know what do to without her- this woman was the rock and light of our family. She is, and forever will be, one of the most beautiful, amazing people I have ever had the privilege of loving. It was truly a loss that shook all of us to the core. She's been gone over 7 years now and it just now seems like I'm able to move on from crying every time I hear the name Anna, taste a peanut M&M or experience a memory without her there. My wedding was the first time I've realized how far I have come without her here. It has become evident that life does go on. You are allowed to experience happiness and not feel guilty because she's not there with you- because she is, just in a different way.
Along with letting go of my Grandma Emkes, I also let go of my "healthy" eating habits during this time. Gone were the days of my orange eating and 2 hours of cycling class. My life took a downward spiral to unhealthy practices. I started eating whatever and however much I wanted, I stopped exercising and started drinking much more. I believe I have tried to cover up sadness with food but when I eat like this it makes me look and feel terrible, which leads to more sadness.
It's really strange that I've been so sad the past couple of years because I've had so much good happen in my life. In the past 7 years I have done so many things I never believed I could accomplish. I have: got accepted to college & graduated, started pursing my master's degree, met, fell in love with and married the man of my dreams, moved into the home I've always wanted, have 2 of the greatest dogs ever and gained an entire new family. I am finally starting to realize what happiness is and how grateful I should be in life. With the new happiness I am discovering, I also have a desire to get back on the weight-loss bandwagon and this time I want to be on the ride of a lifetime!
In October 2011 I started back to Weight Watchers. Since October I have lost around 7lbs, a far cry away from where I want to be, but it's baby steps. Also since starting WW's I had my bridal shower, bachelorette party, Halloween, Thanksgiving, my wedding, Christmas and New Years. So, in Weight Watchers they say there is the Bermuda Triangle of holidays for weight loss: Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas that members typically just "disappear" during this time. Well, for me I had a freakin' natural disaster lol! But, I never quit and I'm not going to quit.
Today marks a new day. With the birth of our second nephew yesterday, Benjamin Steven Waters it is becoming very clear that life will never slow down for us. Before I know it, Lyle and I will be ready to start our family and I need to be in the best health of my life in order to be the mother I want to be. Watching our nephews be born and grow up has been one of the greatest parts of our life. Lucas has been so much fun and we can only imagine how fun it will be with 2! So here and now I'm committing to getting healthier in 2012. My life will no longer be ruled by a cupcake or cookie- it will be ruled by me and what I want to get out of life.
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